I wish I were Hulk Hogan

I do.  I really really do.  For one - look at that tache.  That's a man with a purpose.  That's a man who knows who he is.  He's worked damned hard to get where he is and he takes no prisoners.  It's no accident is it? That's hours and hours of grooming, combing and, no doubt, the application of some very heavy duty mustache products. 

I want to be him.  I want his manliness, his presence, the very power and majesty of the man.  If I were Hulk Hogan I would look in the mirror every day, through the hood of my beautiful, slightly squinted, eyelids; I'd remove my sleep-bandana, wipe the night-cream from my face and revel in the image before me, thanking and praising the heavens above for the wonder of magical things. 

If you're wondering where the magic is - I'll tell you: I bring it.  Every day. Every minute. Every moment.  Because I'm the Hulk.  I am Hulk Hogan and you will bend before me.